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24 Nov 05
Once before we go
So, my shoes are polished and my guitar is strung (thank GOD!). I've blewn this out of proportion, my mother said that. And I know I've become a victim of this alluring indie idealism. There's been so many sleepless night (and quite a few therapy sessions), centered around events in that are going to take place in a small apartment two-three days from now. It's absurd. I think they like when people get excited about their creation, but I promise, if they could read my thoughts right now, they would cancel, send me flowers and apologize for ever asking (and what's more, it was I who asked).

I know I won't get more back than I give away. Of course, there's no accurate way of measuring. On the horizon, my paycheck, which is 40 minutes of bliss (maybe) and maybe some other, unforseen things afterwards. But there's always the pain, which always seem to take the same shape. And then we have the months of endless worrying behind me. How do they measure up? Elin asked me last time “Then why do you do it?“. I'm not going to say “Because we must“, because that isn't true. It isn't for the love of music either. I think I want recognition for what we are and what we do, and for me too. I wan't to show what I can do.

But still, I won't ever get enough back. I am not saying I should get more because I feel I give so much (here, David Brent would have added “, necessarily“). Hahaha! Maybe I just wan't someone to know that nothing goes down lightly. And that I in any way possible do take it seriously. I leave nothing here tomorrow. Not because I'm stupid or naïve (which means stupid), but because I can't shake it off me. I'm throwing myself head-first into something so insignificant, still so important and daunting.

So, the informally dubbed Insignificant tour of Sweden starts tomorrow. I wish it really was. (Then if it could be insignificant, I would wish it wasn't!) What we have here is a classic Catch 22 (no, we don't). Good night.
written by Mattias
Comments:
Hej. Jag begriper nog inte vari din vånda består, ity jag knappt känner dig, men jag ville bara säga att jag just har lyssnat igenom de nyare låtarna som ni lagt ut här, och jag tycker de är helt underbara and you have a lovely singing voice, fast det visste jag redan men jag hade nog glömt bort det litegrann. Vi kommer och kolla på er i Sthlm imorgon om jag ej insjuknar i alltför hemsk förkylning, ser jättemycket fram emot konserten. Hej då. :)
posted by   Nina B
Clever post. Jag är rätt nyfiken nu, så jag kanske går och ser er imorgon?
posted by   Linda
Gör det du..
posted by   Mattias
Nå, det är väl klart att du tycker det...
posted by   Linda
Aja, var det en retorisk fråga? Men, nu ser jag ju att meningen inte alls är byggd som en fråga och ändå finns där ett frågetecken. Milda makter...
posted by   Mattias
Retorisk fråga kan man säga. Bor det en språkfascist i dig med?
posted by   Linda
Jo, och han (det är en han) kan vara användbar ibland.
posted by   Mattias
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The sum of 9 and 6
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