I doubt that I've ever felt quite so uncomfortable with the whole situation. How are you supposed to survive in this petty, hostile and threadbare environment? I've long since grown petty and hostile myself. I definitely don't enjoy music as much as I used to, since it now often evokes anxiety, frustration and disgust. Music has become tainted. This effect is multiplied by the fact that everybody else seems to be so enthusiastic about music in general. To me it represents no income, jealousy, industry decline, bad reviews and embarrassment. ”It can never be what I wanted it to be” is the subtext, no matter what song I listen to. And it rings completely true.
Here in Finland, it's glaringly obvious that we really haven't got what it takes to join their club, even if we wanted to. Which is all well, since it wasn't our goal in the first place. But the problem is, even if we are not aiming for it, we are sentenced to stand freezing on the outside, beeing sneered at, trying to bribe the doorkeeper. It's absurd, why would we let ourselves be consumed by such soul-destroying activities? Still, that's what we did today and that's what we will do tomorrow. Perhaps I can tell you on Saturday, when I come home, what it was that really chipped away at my patience today.
written by Mattias
Now you have to tell us what happened, I bet we are all dying to know...
posted by Hanna
Is that sarcasm? Yes well, I've calmed down now. But okay, I'll write tomorrow.
posted by Mattias