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30 May 05
Home is a question mark
I'm heading back to my home town Vasa tomorrow. It will be all work and only some play I guess. I'm fearing I will be somewhat lonely, but one never knows, of course. The man across the river seemed content with my summer plans. It will surely be different; I've never really worked during summer, except when I was in forced labour 2002-2003.

True love can wait for that girl who'll restore my faith in the Arab world.

Sorry about that. I think I relearned one thing lately, HE told me. Anxiety is not something you should consider necessary and natural. I've always considered myself “fleeing“ when I try to end the misery by just focusing on something else for a while. I've found myself thinking this will just postpone the anxiety and that it will come back with greater force. But as I said, I don't think this is very clever. I think what you should do are the things you would feel proud about, things that are really hard for you to do at the moment and just try to “rebuild“. Your talents are not gone with that sudden burst of anxiety, they just seem to have become unavailable. Yes...

Okay, time to compile a list. These are the songs that have mattered most during the winter and spring this year. Many of them are songs that have been favourites of mine for a long time, but there are a couple of new ones too. And not all of them are among my favourites, but they've been there nonetheless.

Antony & the Johnsons – “Hope There's Someone“, “Man is the Baby“, “For Today I am a Boy“.
The Associates – “Party Fears Two“.
Aztec Camera – “Pillar to Post“, “The Bugle Sounds Again“, “Down the Dip“.
Belle & Sebastian – “Dog on Wheels“.
Blondie – “Sunday Girl“.
Boris feat. Lado members – “Wolves Die Alone“.
Patsy Cline — “I Fall to Pieces“.
Skeeter Davies – “The End of the World“.
Desmond Dekker – “Too Much Too Soon“, “Problems“.
Bob Dylan – “It Ain't Me Babe“, “Don't Think Twice, it's Allright“.
Felt – “Down an August Path“, “There's No Such Thing as Victory“, “The Final Resting of the Ark“.
Go-Betweens – “Cattle and Cane“.
François Hardy – “Tous les Garçons et les Filles“, “Je ne suis la pour Personne“.
Emmylou Harris – “For No One“.
Håkan Hellström – “Gårdakvarnar och Skit“.
Herman's Hermits – “Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter“, “A Must to Avoid“.
The Housemartins – “Flag Day“.
The Jam – “Girl on the Phone“, “Carnation“, “Private Hell“.
The Kinks – “Dandy“, “Lazy Old Sun“, “Sunny Afternoon“, “Do You Remember, Walter?“.
The Knife – “Heartbeats“.
Leevi & the Leavings – “Matkamuistoja“, “Ei Mikään Robin Hood“.
Kirsty MacColl – “Autumngirlsoup“, “Terry”, “A New England“.
Magazine – “You Never Knew Me“, “The Light Pours Out of Me“, “A Song From Under the Floorboards“.
The Magnetic Fields – “Nothing Matters When We're Dancing“, “Come Back From San Francisco“.
The Make Up – “I am Pentagon“.
Stephen Malkmus – “Church on White“.
Maximo Park – “Graffiti“.
Joni Mitchell – “All I Want“.
Morrissey – “I've Changed My Plea to Guilty“, ”My Love Life“.
Stina Nordenstam – “Parliament Square“, “From Cayman Islands With Love“.
Orange Juice – “Falling & Laughing“.
El Perro Del Mar – “Candy“.
The Rolling Stones – “Under My Thumb“.
Ron Sexsmith – “One Grey Morning“.
The Smiths – “That Joke isn't Funny Anymore“.
Sparks – “Never Turn Your Back on Mother Earth“.
Tindersticks – “Rented Rooms“.
Velvet Underground – “Pale Blue Eyes“.
The Undertones – “Teenage Kicks“.
written by Mattias
The sum of 3 and 5