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06 Jul 05
It's Killing Time

I'm at the airport, Arlanda. I've been killing time all day. Lotta left early, without a plausible reason (I actually called her and got this confirmed. I still can't communicate properly). I had to check out from the hostel at 11 am and there it was, the whole city in front of me. I had lots of money but absolutely not the slightest idea of what to do with them. I can't waste money, the notes just sticks to my body.

So I wandered around quite a bit, Riddarholmen, Rosenbad, whatever. You can't possibly waste any money there! Of course the money wasn't the issue, but the thing is, you can't have fun on Riddarholmen on your own, with or without money, especially if you're carrying the stuff I was carrying. So, my mind was set on wasting a considerable amount of money (okay okay, it was 600 SEK) in exchange for some fun. My mind was blank. I think there was zero entries in my "have fun with money" database. So I sat down on a bench and read a book for an hour. Still about 10 hours left.

I got a tip from an anonymous source: "Maybe you could go to Djurgården, with the ferry?". So I went there (It cost me nothing, aargh!) and sat down on a bench and read on.

Then I took the ferry back and I had still maybe 7 hours to spend. I'd like to buy some clothes, but my imagination didn't strech beyong going to some of the big department stores on Drottninggatan to buy a simple shirt. And I didn't of course accomplish even that. So expect no new clothes. Maybe there's something here at the airport?

Anyway, I went to Gamla stan and ate a terrible dinner (Half-baked potato with frozen vegetables on top). Then I decided I've had had enough and began the long journey to the airport.

During the day, I realised just how much time I spend alone. Although the last few weeks have been kind of extreme, the amount of time I spend alone is still quite, uh.. big. I've explored the positive sides of solitude. I have had time to think about everything thoroughly. Blah blah. I have artistic ideas and material stacked up in abundance. But seriously, I think I should consider the cons of being lonely, too. It just can't be healthy. I do realise you lose some kind of perspective on yourself, the signs are already showing all too clear. Actually, I should force myself to be around people, force myself into the company of others.

Maybe all this time has given me a little too much time to think about the events the last couple of days. I could go on for ages about them. But it would all come out in the form of carefully constructed, sentimental, romantic, but eventually bitter sentences.

Thank you.
written by Mattias
The sum of 8 and 4