Today has been the slowest day I can remember. I've just wanted to cry all day, but I really can't, because I stay with my parents. It's sad when you miss your own apartment just to be able to go there and cry for yourself, without anyone seeing or asking. Because I've felt that I don't want to discuss these issues that fills me with irritation and sentimentality.
I'm deep down in field one, or was it field two? That is, I'm safe, but incredibly bored, and not only that, but heartbroken, lonesome and unable to do anything about it. Suddenly, I just wish I had the chance to prove something again. I wish they were here, at an arms lenght, just for me to touch to see how it feels, if I can do it or if I recoil in horror. I would definitely recoil in horror at first, but then? I would definitely have trouble eating again, but then again, I'm so much wiser now.
But it requires so much effort. Nothing happens automatically. With me OR with the band. Now we're in a state of confusion what do, as Ville moves to Gothenburg (a mythical place, my memories of it has started to blur) for at least this Autumn. I guess it's not his move that constitutes the biggest problem now. In my opinion, what's worst is that we don't know what to do and that this start to really wear on me. I've been desperate for help for ages, and it just doesn't seem to come. My idea of the band, my ideals, my dreams corresponds so badly with the reality that it's ridiculous. I'm wandering around town thinking I'm in a really good band and I can sing and write, but the reality is nobody knows and nobody cares. It's constantly proven to me that we are nothing and that it's impossible. But then again, then there are these moments, these small gestures, the kind words, the few moments of revelation and clarity, these minutes of bliss, that leaves you tortured at nights, just wanting more. That leaves you unable to just call it a day and quit and move in to some cheap office space.
written by Mattias
men när ska vi göra videon!!! jag har all tid i världen och jag vill hjälpa! Sen är det ju en annan sak om bandet ställer upp...
posted by cikan
Jo, det är sant. Men ingen är ju på samma ställe, aldrig... Har du utrustning? Var till Molpe, där var fint. Skulle vilja göra en till "Higher Grounds", men då skulle jag egentligen vilja banda om den också. Säg tid och plats, skuffa på oss.
posted by Mattias
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posted by Geogboure