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14 Aug 05
Different but still the same
A worked with the Arbis program this weekend. Yesterday I went out, nevertheless, and it was quite fun. I've begun to know a lot of people here, at least superficially. I say “hello“ more frequently than ever. But that isn't satisfying enough. I talked to some people I haven't talked to before, but I don't know. Hmm...

I actually went to this afterparty again, to Laikka, again. And when Tanja asked if we could start to leave, I didn't want to! That was really exceptional.

I will miss Ville this autumn. I admit he's different from me in many ways, but we still share a lot of things that I don't really see in anybody else. It's not that we feel particularily safe or even comfortable in each other's company, I don't think so. At times we are quite insecure, it seems. But still, there's something about him. I feel I can't really explain it. Sometimes I see him as a sort of bridge over from my world to the other, but that reduces his role from what he really is to me. And moreover, this of course says nothing about what he really is, just what he is to me.

What more? I'm happy that Tanja stays in Åbo, because she makes me feel comfortable and free, really. I like her company. She doesn't know how good she is.

I talked a lot to Jan L. yesterday. I hope he's feeling well. I know he doensn't really trust me, but I hope he would.

When Tanja and Pisa drove me home, we were listening to “The Queen is Dead“ and I said “Okay, now it's time to rub off the party sentiments and return to the real world“ and put on “I know it's over“. I meant it as a joke for them, although I felt it was real and I think Tanja did too, because she looked really sad. So that kind of bombed.
written by Mattias
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